Behind Da Music
by Stephanie18
Summary: The humor is back! Sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. *N Max's Addiction lived and this is... the story behind the music.


Behind Da Music: *N Max's Addiction  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel. I just make them much funnier than they are.  
  
A/N: Okay, first off, the episode "Boo" (the Halloween episode) who thought that I could've written it? Because I sure did. It seemed like me and I was wondering if I wrote it in my sleep or something... lol. Anyway, I want monetary compensation for my stolen funny Mr. Cameron! lol  
  
Read First:  
Womannapped  
Original Logan  
The Noise Of Musac  
*N Max's Addiction  
Orno Movie  
Steel Chef  
Die Asha, Diiiiiie!  
A1: Artifical Steaksauce  
  
  
  
[You know that VH1 Voiceover Guy? Well he's talking as footage of a *N Max's Addiction video plays.]  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
The boyband the teen girls loved to love and the one critics loved to hate. *N Max's Addiction, friend or foe? This is their story.  
  
[The little theme music plays.]  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
*N Max's Addiction, Z, K Boy, G.I. Joe, Wonderboy, and Crazy Ben were the nicknames, but who are the people behind the names?  
  
[Footage of Zack in a recording studio.]  
  
ZACK:  
Well, we were popular for that while. Usually boybands have five years of fame to live it up... we had five hours. We really had to grow up in that time. Growing up in front of the cameras and lights and scary executives, it wasn't right for us.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
Krit was the Young and Cute one, but what is he doing now? Is he ugly?  
  
[Footage of Krit standing alone on a beach. Awwwwwww. He looks exactly the same, not ugly. Unless you thought he was ugly before, then he still is, but - ahhhhh! He looks exactly the same.]  
  
KRIT:  
I've become an artist and a vegetarian. I sell blue shoelaces, which I painted, and I don't eat meat. As far as I'm concerned, my life is fine. Say, could you spot me some change? I'll pay you back, I swear.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
What ever happened to Wonderboy? Is he still scruffy? What's the whole "Max and I aren't like that" situation? How's all that happening?  
  
[Footage of Logan sitting on his couch smoking a cigar.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Made a few good investments on a few good horses and I'm reunited with money. And Max comes over a lot more now that I'm rich again... curious...  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Indeed.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
What about Lydecker? I mean - The Boyband Member Formely Known As Lydecker. What's up with him?  
  
[Footage of Ly - screw that. That name is too long. Footage of Lydecker. He's in a scummy hotel room with sunglasses on.]  
  
LYDECKER:  
Well, I changed my name to the symbol for and: &. And I'm living a low profile life. Last week I hawked up a lung. Wanna see it? Yeah, I quit smoking.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
And Ben?  
  
[Footage of Ben in a preschool classroom, he looks challenged.]  
  
BEN:  
Ahhhhhhhh! I can't do this! Which crayon is red? I don't know!  
  
[A kid pats him on the shoulder.]  
  
KID:  
It's okay Ben.  
  
[Ben hugs the child to a point of choking. The kid runs off wheezing.]  
  
BEN:  
If it wasn't for my classmates, I would never be able to get through my advanced classes.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
And what about the band's namesakes? Well, *Nsync and Jane's Addiction refused to comment on "That piece of crap that calls themselves a band, but is really a piece of crap." But we got Max!  
  
[Footage of Max going through Logan's wallet and throwing Bast into a sack.]  
  
MAX:  
Well, I haven't come to terms with the fact that a band was actually named after me. And they named the CD after me too.  
  
[She holds up a CD that has Logan and Zack on the cover punching each other. The words 'Max loves me!' 'No me!' 'Me!' 'Bitch, she loves me!' 'I'm the one!' 'You sick incest loving sonuvabitch!' 'Cripple!' 'She loves me!' 'Me!' are on the case.]  
  
MAX:  
The shortened name of the CD is 'We Love Max.'  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
Did Max ever realize people had feelings for her?  
  
MAX:  
No, I'm living in denial even though the signs smack me in the face a lot.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
What about Pou Learlman? The band's manager who stole from them and called them "dirty little music whores"?  
  
ZACK:  
Pou? My lawyer has advised me not to tell you that Logan and I killed him and buried the body under Max's apartment building.  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
Wow, being in a boyband really turns you dark.  
  
LOGAN:  
Zack and I still hate each other. Don't bother asking.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
It's still all about the fans though.  
  
KRIT:  
I still sign autographs. And I sometimes I give myself autographs then sell them on auction websites.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
And whatever happened to the fans?  
  
[Old footage of two fans...]  
  
CADE:  
I love *N Max's Addiction! They are my favorite band! Z is sooooo dreamy I tell you... dreamy!!  
  
TY:  
I bought an autographed picture of K Boy yesterday for ten thousand dollars! I love them!  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
What do those fans think now?  
  
CADE:  
Gotta love them Manticore no-aging genes. Z is stil lso dreamy!  
  
TY:  
My photo of K Boy is only worth five dollars now...  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
What about the big "they don't write their own songs" controversy? What happened there? And why didn't they were shirts?  
  
[Footage of the "At Ease" video. None of them have their shirts on, but they're wearing army pants. Back to Zack. That rhymes. Heehee.]  
  
ZACK:  
We always wrote our own songs. We wrote every song on the album. Krit even wrote a secret track about me and my wife, the military. We were dating at the time and it still strikes us as awfully sweet. [Pause] I'm an army man for life. I might as well be made out of green plastic!  
  
[Krit beach footage.]  
  
KRIT:  
When I wrote that song, I wanted money. All I cared about was the benjamins.  
  
[Krit puts about 15 golden rings around his fingers, then a couple gold chains around his neck, then he puts in a gold tooth.]  
  
KRIT:  
Norf side!  
  
[MC Hammer goes over and takes all that stuff back from Krit. Now it's time for footage of a photo shoot.]  
  
PHOTOGRAPHER:  
Work it for me babes! Oh yeah! That's it! Now Zack, spank Ly-Ly's bum!  
  
LOGAN (whispering to Krit):  
Um, I think we need a new photographer.  
  
[Krit talks to the camera.]  
  
KRIT:  
Renny is really... hands on.  
  
[Renfro is talking to the camera now. She's got a camera around her neck.]  
  
RENFRO:  
I gave up my evil ways when I realized I could exploit them.  
  
[Back to Ben in preschool. He's whispering because it's naptime.]  
  
BEN:  
I always liked cheese.  
  
[Ben holds up his hand and we see an engagement ring.]  
  
BEN:  
Cheese and I are getting married on the 9th! Can you believe it???  
  
[Back to Logan in his pe - ap - dwelling. From now on, it is Logan's dwelling! I am sick of the penthouse/apartment confusion!]  
  
LOGAN:  
We all support Ben, no matter how derranged. The marriage isn't legal in the U.S. because he's marrying a dairy product, so the ceremony is going to be in Canada.  
  
[Back to Lyde - I mean, & in his scummy hotel room.]  
  
&:  
Ever since I changed my name to a symbol, everybody has been real supportive. All of us *N Max's Addiction alum really support each other no matter what. I was the first to buy a pair of Krit's shoelaces.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
The famous breakup of the group only five months after the formation was a blow to everyone.  
  
[Footage of more fans.]  
  
LAREINA_SALEINA:  
I kind of liked them. [Pause] I mean, I always thought some of them were a little... you know, but they had mediocre music that was okay I guess.  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
The general public revolted after Smelly Records dropped *N Max's Addiction like a sack of steaming pooh, but the guys always took in in stride.  
  
[Backstage footage of their last concert.]  
  
ZACK:  
I can't believe the *beeping* sons of *beeps* dropped us!  
  
[Logan kicks a wall.]  
  
LOGAN:  
Those stupid mother *beepers*!  
  
KRIT:  
How dare they????  
  
[Back to beachy keen Krit.]  
  
KRIT:  
There were good times and bad times. Norf side forever! Smelly Records sucks!  
  
[Back to scummy hotel room, Lydecker]  
  
LYDECKER:  
I gave up on & fifteen minutes ago. Room service was getting confused. [Pause.] Smelly Records suck.  
  
[Logan at home.]  
  
LOGAN:  
I have no beef with my diggity dawgs at Smelly. I'm putting out a solo CD entitled 'Max Loves Me Forever, She Said So.' Look for it out in January.  
  
[Zack at the studio.]  
  
ZACK:  
I, like Logan, have no diggity dawg with my beef, I mean... I have no problem with Smelly Records. I'm co-producing Logan's solo.  
  
[Back to Ben in preschool. He's fingerpainting. He holds up his finer painting.]  
  
BEN:  
See, it says 'I hate Smeely Records.'  
  
[Ben checks his spelling.]  
  
BEN:  
Oh damnit!  
  
[Footage of the five guys preparing for a concert.]  
  
VOICEOVER GUY:  
They came, they saw, they were a long shot from conquering. What will the future hold for the former men of *N Max's Addiction? And why is my voice so compelling? Everybody loves me.  
  
[A picture of *N Max's Addiction appears and they're all smiling in the picture. The credits roll over the picture.]  
  
STEPHANIE18:  
The Blue Lady bless us everyone.  
  
THE END 


End file.
